As a continuation to the preceding episodes; the "Be-Free" continues to answer questions submitted by parents and children on the topic of bullying.
Episode 3: Identifying and providing help to children most vulnerable to bullying
Who are the children most vulnerable to bullying?
A child may be exposed to bullying for no evident reason. However, there are specific factors that can affect his personality and render him more vulnerable to bullying. It is important to note that the presence of one or more of the outlined factors does not necessarily expose the child to bullying
; such factors are considered merely catalysts as each child is unique in terms of his personality, the environment he lives in and the circumstances surrounding him. Some of these factors are listed below:
• The child bears distinctive physical characteristics such as height, weight or skin color. In addition to other distinctive dimensions such as speaking a different language, originating from a different country, carrying an odd name or other .
• The child speaks in an uncommon way or suffers from stammer.
• The child suffers from a form of disability.
• The child has a visibly low self confidence, is weak, non-social or timid.
• The child has recently transferred to a new school or class in which he does not know anybody.
• The nature of child-rearing. Over protective parents may deny the child the ability to protect himself and thus no such learning takes place. The child is accustomed to rely on his parents for protection and in consequently unable to do so in their absence. Some caretakers resort to intimidation in order to establish control or prevent danger, such measures may cause the child to have a weak personality and a comprised ability to cope with new settings.
• The child has been subjected to physical, sexual or emotional abuse, or has endured neglect.
•The Child is surrounded by domestic violence.
• The child is denied quality time with his parents, particularly his father. A study conducted by the University Vanderputt showed that a child denied quality time with his parents (such as plying or simply talking) might feel unworthy of their time and attention. This reflects on his self-perception and may render him more vulnerable to bullying.
How can a child subjected to bullying receive help?
Parents can assume a vital role in helping their children when exposed to bullying. A victim of bullying often feels victimized and helpless, a point well exploited and reinforced by the bully. Thus, building a relationship based on mutual trust between parents and children creates an environment where the child feels support, and is encouraged to talk about the challenges he face. In such a setting the child will be engaged in a positive process of resolving the matter in hand which consequently reduces feelings of helplessness.
The following are aspects to be taken into account as parents attempt to offer support and protect their children from being bullied:
1) When a child speaks to his parents about being exposed to bullying, it is very critical that he receives a balanced reaction, attention and understanding. When parents demonstrate abrupt reactions, exaggerate the matter or have unreasonable expectation from the child, he may fear their reactions. Further, the child might detest their perception of him as weak, one who could not meet their expectations or unable to handle matters independently. The child might also feel misunderstood or that he is being asked to take actions that are too bold for his nature.
At times parents may react towards the bully or his family which makes the child regrets informing them. Perhaps the true danger lies when the child decides that he no longer wants to share what he is going through with his parents, that he will act alone or simply conclude that there is no solution. Children often tell their parents parts of the truth, withholding anything that may agitate them.
On the other hand, when parents are indifferent towards their child when being told that he is being bullied, the notion of being a victim is reinforced in the child's mind. The best solution is to listen to the child and try to know details of what is happening to him, discuss the subject and try to arrive at solutions.
2) When discussing the matter of bullying with the child it is important to listen to his opinion on the possible solutions and take his fears and concerns into account. A solution deemed as optimal by parents may not be acceptable to the child. At times the child may see it as leading to more trouble with the bully or he may see it as a measure he is unable to do.
3) Work with the child to strengthen his personality in order to protect him against bullying. A child who is exposed to emotional abuse (such as verbal abuse, humiliation or comparison) or physical abuse (such as hitting or kicking, etc.) at home, often suffers from low self-confidence, as such assaults often lead to formation of a compromised self image . On the other hand, a child who feels his value and worth through the confidence fostered within him by his parents will be less likely exposed to bullying, as he feels strong and above such abuses or insults. Various ways are present to foster a child's self confidence, parents can begin by trusting the child and as this sentiment deepens, the child will adopt and reinforce it.
4) A child may be exposed to bullying in different places such as school, home, among brothers, or at public places like parks or public gardens. In many cases when a child is subjected to bullying in one place, he is often subjected to it in another. As the factors that rendered him a victim of bullying in one place may come into play in another. At times the child is a victim of bullying in one place and is the bully in other places when he feels stronger then the children present there. The topic of the bully child will be addressed in the upcoming episodes.
In the event were a child is being bullied at home by an older brother who insults him or sizes control of his belongings, for example. The reaction demonstrated by parents has a strong effect in helping the child cope with bullying in other places. For example, when the child sees that his parents took serious steps to stop his brother from bullying him, a stronger relationship will come into existence. In such case the child would be reassured that he can resort to them in other situations that come across his path. Further, the child will learn that solutions can indeed be found to challenging situation is life.
In the previous scenario if parents did not act on behalf of the child, a feeling of being a victim will lead the child to believe that this is his situation and he has to live with it, thereby encouraging others to bully him. Bullies choose children who appear incapable of defending themselves and submissive as a result of a deepened feeling of helplessness.
5) Strengthening the social network of the child's life. In the case were the child has no friends, it is important to help him gradually form relationships with other children. Simple steps can be taken like inviting another child for a play date. Formation of relationships and friendships is crucial in enhancing the confidence of the child, and helping him build sound social skills.
6) If the child is being bullied at school integrity or continuously in a way that puts his safety in jeopardy, it is important to take serious steps and cooperate with the school administration to address the matter. Various possible measures that the school can take to protect the child can be discussed at that point. Before implementing such steps the child's input should be taken into consideration. All other scenarios should be discussed with the child and the school administration, such as the possibility of a vengeful act by the bully or perhaps the discontinuation of one form of abuse and the commencement of another form of abuse like mocking or blackmailing.
Some schools have rules and regulations regarding bullying and how to address it. If your child's school have such regulations, it is advisable to be informed of their content before the meeting with the school administration.
The next episode will address the case of children who bully other children.
